Took The First Step

So many thoughts and so many prayers the past couple weeks.  I feel even more crazy than I have been but at the same time I have a peace that I can't explain.  I feel more than ever that God is moving and leading our family down the path of adoption. 
I have spent so much time trying to think of the best way to approach this with Randy, playing it over in my head: the right words to say, the right setting, the whole scenario.  Of course, in usual fashion, God had other plans!  One night last week, Tuesday night to be exact, we were standing in the kitchen, eating pizza for supper and I was telling Randy about our visit that morning with my friend Mandi and her family when he made a comment that it if he could adopt he would love to!!  I almost choked on my pizza!! Is this it God?  Is right now, standing in the kitchen, eating pizza with the kids running in and out the moment I've been "planning"?  God clearly said....this is it and I began.  I did not even make it through the first sentence before the tears began to flow.  I spilled my heart to Randy, I told him how I have been feeling and that I knew it sounded crazy, I have no idea how we will do this but all I know is God is saying...just have faith and HE will take care of the rest.  The fear I have been holding onto diminished as Randy listened to what I was saying and while I knew in my heart that God would not let me down, I was still prepared for Randy's answer to be NO WAY......I was wrong.  Without hesitating, Randy told me he would also love to be able to do this, but, like me didn't know how to make it happen.  He told me to start looking into it and see what I could find out.  I have been praying even more than before that God would begin to open doors and show us which direction we need to be going.  While, that has not yet been revealed, in my time reading the word after praying for guidance and wisdom, I came to Mark 10: 27 ~  Jesus looked at them and said," With man, this is impossible, but not with God;  all things are possible with God."  How can I doubt?  I will hold onto my faith in God and trust that HE will lead us and show us the steps...one by one....that we need to take. 
My heart is so full right now with excitement and love for a child I do not yet know.  I do not know age, gender, race or where this child is....I just know there is a child waiting for us to reach him or her.  I do know that I have to let God be in control and follow Him through this journey. 
I have begun researching and trying to gather information and some days.....rather some minutes I am full of confidence and then the next minute I am wondering if I truly have lost my mind.  Every time I have that doubt creep into my mind though, I stop and pray and feel reassured over and over that this is God's will.  I have also shared my thoughts with a few friends so that they can pray with me and for me. 
For now, I am not sure what the next step will be but I am praying without ceasing and listening for God to reveal His plan to me.  I know He knows what the big picture is and I will find comfort in that while I wait.

Faith!

Faith.....what does it mean to have faith?  This word seems to be coming up a lot lately.  I want to have an unshakable faith in my Lord.  I have been thinking a lot this evening back to a conference I attended back in February.  I heard Francis Chan speaking and he was telling his story of faith and how he and his family stepped out on faith and the blessings that came from doing so.  I have gone back to this time and time again over the past few months.  In fact, this is what really made me begin to seek God in a new way and decide to truly give my everything to Him.  As I have mentioned before, I know God is up to something big in my life, I can just feel it.  I am just waiting for Him to reveal what that is to me.  Tonight, I was browsing some blogs linked through a friend's blog.  I came across a post with a quote that really hit me,  "often times we miss out on the greatest blessings the Lord has for us because we are too afraid to take that first step".  Wow.....it is time.  I need to take the first step.  I am beginning to feel as though I am being a hindrance to what God has in store for my life and the blessings that will come from allowing Him to proceed. 
Like I said,  the topic of faith has been popping up a lot.  Just the other day I was talking with Aaron on the phone and he was telling me how important it is to have faith that God will provide in order to allow His plan to become reality.  Who am I to doubt that God has got this?  Why is it so hard to take that leap of faith when I know without a doubt God is in control and He already knows the outcome.  I have witnessed many times what having faith can do and I stand amazed.  I want that kind of faith....the kind of faith it takes to say OK God.....do your thang!!  I am ready to step out of my box and take the first leap!!