How Do I Know?

I wish there was some easy way to know God's will.  In the deepest part of my heart, I know that God is telling me there is a child waiting for a forever family and we are the family He has planned for that child.  I don't know the age, I don't know the gender, I don't know where....I just know.  But then the other thoughts creep in....thoughts like is this just me wanting this to be true, am I making this all up, am I reading too much into this, is it just wishful thinking, is it selfishness......How do I know if this is really what God is telling me?  It would be so much easier if there was just a clear sign flashing in front of me saying...THIS IS GOD!  I wonder am I feeling this because my faith is not great enough?  I want to have faith that is unshakable and at times I feel like I do have that type of faith but then when the negative thoughts come I wonder just how much faith do I have if I am allowing these questions to cause doubt.  I also can't help but wonder if this is not what God is telling me, then what is it?  What is He calling me to?  I know without a doubt that He is working in my heart and preparing me for something.  I want to do whatever it is He wants me to do.  I want to give my all and follow Him.  I just need to know what and where...and even who.  I am ready to do God's will for me.  I guess this is where the faith comes in though.  I know in my mind that God will work things out in His perfect time and I need to just be still and listen for Him to speak.  I will continue to pray and seek.  I will be ready when God makes it clear. 
I am at a point where I am wondering if I am the problem now.  Am I letting my fear get in the way and that is why I am so uncertain?  Why is this fear in me?  Is this Satan trying to hinder me from doing what God is calling me to do?  Lord, please take this fear away.  Give me the strength to pour my heart out and talk to Randy about this.  My heart is overflowing with a love for an unknown child and it just keeps growing and growing.   God, I see the way you have placed people in my life that would be the perfect support system for me.  Father, please show me and give me the boldness to move if this is your will for me and for our family.  Please give me your peace that passeth all understanding if this is my next step in following you.  I also pray that if I am totally wrong and You are leading me in a completely different direction that I will know that instead.  I want to follow You, I give my all to You....I am Yours Father....Take me and use me according to Your perfect will for my life.  I love you Lord.  Amen.

My Heart's Cry

I am finding more as I grow in my walk with Christ that the true desire of my heart is to be within His will.  There is just such a peace about being near to my Lord and living the life He has for me.  I am trying hard to work on letting God be in control of my life......every little part of it.  In our lady's Bible study today we were discussing emotions and circumstances and how as women, we tend to let these things control us.  It doesn't have to be this way.  Is it easy to accept or understand that our emotions and circumstances do not control us.....absolutely not.  In our human-ness (is that a word?) we want to make excuses for how we act, think, react and it is so easy to say....if only.....or it's that time of the month.....or it isn't my fault.  It is so easy to make excuses.  In reality, we need to simply acknowledge that God has given us everything we need to deal with whatever emotions or circumstance we find ourselves in if we will just allow Him to have the control.  One of the scriptures we talked about was Philippians 4: 8-9.  It tell us to think about thinks that are good, noble, pure and true.  As I thought about a recent day when I was feeling particularly angry and frustrated I realized the importance of this scripture.  The reason I was feeling that way was because I was not thinking and dwelling on the pleasant, good things.  I was allowing myself to dwell on negative thoughts and feelings which caused the anger to grow.  My prayer is that God continues to remind me when I forget to let go of the negative and look to things that are pleasing and glorifying to Him.  I want my life to be consumed with living for my Lord.  I want my life to shine with God's grace and love for everyone to see.  I want nothing more than to be in God's will and doing the things He wants me to be doing.  I know without a doubt that God is working on my heart.  I have not figured out yet what exactly He is doing, and maybe I won't figure that out for a long time to come.  The one thing I do know is that I want to be close to Him so that when He is ready to reveal His plan to me, I am right there so I can hear!  For some reason tonight my eyes have been opened tonight to some of the ways Satan is attacking and trying to steal the joy in my life, especially in my marriage.  I am fighting his tactics with all that I have...he will not win this battle as the Lord is on my side!!  How exciting is that?  God is on my side and He is fighting for me!!  He has already won the battle and any battles to come and He is on MY SIDE!!  Praise God for his grace which is sufficient for me.