The Week in Review..

Well, as I said, I am not the best at blogging.  I guess you would say I am more of a hit or miss blogger.  The past week was pretty normal, if there is such a thing as normal.  We had all the usual activities, school, church, small groups, tai kwon do, piano, golf and band.  We ended the week with two birthday parties.  One involved go cart riding and the other was Jacey's which involved me baking and creating a Dora princess castle cake.  Following that party, I came down  with some sort of 24 hour bug that put me down for a few.  Thankfully, it was a short one and I am pretty much back to myself.  Monday greeted me with my first test for my current class. I think I did well on it but I will find out tomorrow.  I am praying for an A.  Monday also brought some disturbing news.  One of Randy's closest cousins has reached his final days.  He was in the hospital here and so Randy and I went to visit him, unsure of how we would find him.  Sadly, his condition is rather grave.  It was a blessing that he was awake and alert while we were there.  We were told he had been unconscious for the past couple weeks so finding him away and very responsive was nice.  I am glad Randy had that chance to talk with him and also be assured of his salvation.  We visited with him for a while and prayed for and with him while we were there.  It breaks my heart to see my husband so sad and I wish saying goodbye for now wasn't so hard.  Praise God though, we know we will be together again and that is the greatest comfort in times like this. 
As you can imagine, after leaving the hospital I was very aware of the frailty of life and how quickly it passes by.  After a solemn evening, I was even more ready for my special time with my Lord and Saviour.  I am working my way through the gospels right now and I love the things God reveals as I read His word.  Sometimes what I am being told may not be the easiest thing or may not be exactly what I thought I was looking for, but it is always just what I need.  God just seems to work like that and I am so glad He knows what is best for me at all times, even if I don't.  Last night was one of those nights.  I was reading Matthew Chapter 10 and verses 37 - 39 stood out to me. "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.  Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."  Now I have heard these verses before but this time my attention was drawn to them and I spent some time meditating on that passage.  I am the first to admit I like to have control, especially when my family is involved.  I always say that I know God is in control or I pray for God's protection and guidance but it hit me that I don't let go and let God do His thing for lack of better words.  The more I thought about this, I began to realize that I was putting my husband and kids and in turn, myself, ahead of God.  I was not trusting God fully with the ones I love.  I for whatever reason have been determined that I could somehow do a better job of taking care of, protecting, guiding my family and because of this was not keeping God as number one.  I have been holding my family above God and I need to change that.  While this may sound like a self bashing realization, I didn't feel like it was that at all.  In fact, it was more like the light bulb came on.  God promises that when we give (lose) our lives over to Him, completely, we will then  find and  fully experience the life He has for us.  How I desire to lose my life for God so that I may find life and live it abundantly as He has planned for me.  

The Meaning Behind This Blog Title

I have so many thoughts whirling around in my mind tonight and eventually, I would like to record all of them.  For now though, I feel as though I should explain the meaning behind the title I chose for this blog: The End of Me.  I have been meditating on 2 Corinthians 5:17 which states "Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."  Now, this is a verse I have known forever and heard too many times to count but in the past couple months, God has been working on me in a big way.  More and more I hear Him telling me to let go.....simply let go.  I am such a type A personality and this is an area I struggle with.  I have a hard time letting go.  I want to be in control and I tend to want things done "my way".  Yes, there have been many times that I say I am just going to let God handle it but when it all boils down, I do not really give it all over to Him like I should.  I tend to hang on, even if I am just clinging to it by a thread, I am not fully surrendering to God.  This includes my life.  I say I have given my life to God.  I was saved as a child and most of my life I have had some sort of relationship with Him.  However, the key words there are "some sort".  I have never fully, 100% turned my life over to him.  There has always been something I have been holding back, afraid to totally surrender.  Even now, it is scary.  I want the abundant life God has planned for me but that requires me to hand over my old life, my whole being, everything that I am, everything that I have......I have to lay it down at the foot of Christ and allow Him to live through me completely.  This is where I am.  This is the beginning of my new life, a life fully surrendered to Christ.  This is the end of me.................